The Lollipops Are Mine!
by 1Thunderfire
Summary: Kirby likes lollipops. Bayonetta likes lollipops too. And Meta Knight just had to get involved. It's his duty as a knight after all. Oh, and Bayonetta likes teasing Meta Knight. Naughty, naughty...


**I didn't actually follow the ballot so it was quite interesting to hear that Bayonetta was the winner. I've played both games on the Wii U as well and they're pretty good fun (especially in the Link costume, wahaha!).**

 **I've got into Kirby recently so here's a story involving Meta Knight, Kirby and Bayonetta. And lollipops! You know you want some now...**

* * *

 **The Lollipops Are Mine!**

Meta Knight strode along the corridors quite content. He had had a satisfactory training session with Shulk, he had meditated upon the important things in life with Lucario and he had seen King Dedede getting ripped into by Peach when she found out that he had spilled his food onto the carpet and hadn't bothered cleaning it up. It had sounded very painful. Good times, good times.

He was now about to return to his quarters and continue reading his favourite book when he heard a series of noises coming from the TV Room. He sighed when he recognised the voice of his young charge. It would probably be a bad idea to get involved, especially as his student was certainly able to fight his own battles anyway. But he would be remiss in his duty if he ignored it completely so he went in.

He assumed that the incumbents would have been fighting over the remote or something; his student did quite like watching cartoons after all and did not like them to be interrupted. What he actually saw was the Smash veteran Kirby and the latest, _latest_ newcomer, Bayonetta, staring each other down (goodness knows Master Hand had brought in a lot of Smashers lately). Between them was a jar full of lollipops. They probably had no nutrients whatsoever and were packed to the brim with e-numbers and other such junk, but my word, they were delicious. Meta Knight was also a fan. He had one such jar for sugar attack emergencies in his room.

The Umbra Witch stood with a hand on her shapely hips. If it was anyone else but Kirby, she would already have won the battle. Meta Knight told himself that he was, of course, immune to her charms. He was stoic; he wouldn't be distracted in such a manner.

"Just hand over the sweets and I promise you won't come to _too_ much harm, little one," she was saying.

"Lollipops mine!" Kirby argued back, wearing as angry and determined an expression as a pink puffball such as him could muster. No-one stood between him and his food. _No-one._ Not even a witch who had punched out some nefarious god, demon thing or whatever. Please. Kirby regularly ate Eldritch Abominations for breakfast! (Well, not literally; even Kirby wasn't that greedy.) "I saw them first!"

"Purple one," Bayonetta said lazily without even looking away from the prize, "tell this pink dear that he may eat something else from the kitchens if he so wishes but that the sweets are mine or else I shall send him to Purgatorio for a little spell."

"Madam," Meta Knight replied, "my student is a seasoned warrior who will not back down easily from a fight such as this. He eats more than King Dedede, Wario and Yoshi and that is quite an achievement I assure you. But don't let that make you think he is just an eating machine; yes, Kirby, I _had_ noticed you ate my special treat and I will discipline you for it later. He has defeated many demonbeasts for one so young and evil monsters such as the bringer of nightmares, the corrupting evil entities of Dark Matter and a number of blood-gushing ocular creatures."

"Ah, a demon-hunter are we?" Bayonetta smiled. Kirby hesitated at that smile. He wasn't sure what she was going to do. "I may have under-estimated you, little one, although I must say that I have quite the relationship with demons myself. It isn't often you see someone so cute be so fierce on the battlefield. And you're not the talkative type either so that makes it all the sweeter." Kirby was instantly wary when Bayonetta walked over, with exaggerated, silky motions, past the jar, to touch him. Why was it that everyone seemed to want to pet him? He was obviously cute, yeah, and was forever battling Pikachu and Yoshi for top cute Smasher position. But surely this undermined his incredible warrior status?! Well, actually, it did feel rather nice. He was quite the touchy-feely type, really. He liked being petted. He liked hugging and being hugged as well. But, nice try, Bayonetta, he wasn't going to be distracted from the lollipops that easily!

Meta Knight tried to think of important things like sword-training and cold showers and not about the tight, black clothing that revealed as much as it covered at all. He thought about the sweets instead. If possible, he would have the sweets himself. A Smasher needed to keep his strength up after all.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't manhandle my student," Meta Knight said coolly, seeing Kirby's blush stickers redden. "By our species' terms, he is still a child."

"Oh, I prefer to manhandle those who are a little older than this one," Bayonetta purred. "They would keep up with me better and slow people are _such_ a disappointment. And my, I've only just noticed what a large sword you have. Would you like to show me it?"

Meta Knight gripped Galaxia tightly and wished his mask didn't trap the heat his face was now giving off. He was thinking way too much into this. He wrapped his cape around him as if for protection.

"So what is your relationship with the little demon-hunter then?" Bayonetta asked. Kirby hummed to himself with pleasure until he realised that Bayonetta had stopped petting him and cried out for her to continue. "I assume you must be his father. How charming that you have such a child."

"No, I'm not his father," Meta Knight said quickly, his eyes glowing pink with embarrassment. Why did people always assume that? It wasn't as if they were the only two of their species.

Kirby tilted his whole body to one side. He had seen Meta Knight without his mask before a couple of times and it struck him how very much alike they looked. And though they battled each other, it was always for the purpose of training Kirby further. Meta Knight looked out for him. Kirby liked Meta Knight very much. "I'm his mentor; nothing more than that."

"Really? Though you two do seem very close. Family is very important, purple one," she smirked, "even if you say you're not his actual father. But I think that this little one thinks otherwise."

Just then, a cheerful Kirby bounced over to Meta Knight and hugged him tightly saying, "Meta poyo! Meta poyo!" Meta Knight groaned. He was sure Kirby did this just to embarrass him ever since he heard a comment that Meta Knight looked as if he were his father after the unfortunate incident in which his mask fell off. He tore Wario a strip after that.

"You mentioned before about a relationship with demons," he said, simultaneously trying to change the subject and pull Kirby off him. "What did you mean by that, madam?"

"Oh, if you really must know," Bayonetta answered, running her fingers through her luscious hair, "I summon demons from the nether regions of Inferno in order to kill angels from Paradiso. Their true forms are so ugly, you know, that I am doing them quite the favour destroying them."

Meta Knight's eyes flicked down and he noticed a butterfly-shaped shadow underneath Bayonetta where her own shadow should have been. He then looked over the rest of Bayonetta. Assessing how much of a threat she was obviously.

"Do you like what you see, masked one? Cheeky!"

"You consort with demons to kill angels? Madam, on most worlds, demons are considered the harbingers of evil while angels are associated with good. Or do you assume to tell me that you pursue these creatures because they are actually the evil ones?"

"Things do get a little complicated on my world and the demons and angels are nearly as bad as each other," the Umbra Witch admitted. "But I would rather reside with those who have the best tunes as they say of the devil; it does make for such good dancing. Oh, the angels would quite simply bore me to such an extent I would be grateful to them if they tried to tear me apart. I say, how about I show you one of my little demon pets, hmm?"

The plush carpet suddenly gave way to an infernal portal whose countless strange symbols glowed bloody red and spoke of death and destruction. Above the screams emitted from the hellish portal, a truly demonic figure emerged. It was a colossal, dragon-like reptilian beast with serrated teeth and blood-red claws that could probably slice Kirby and Meta Knight in half. Its breath was like an incinerating furnace and its eyes burnt with undying hatred spawned from the agonising suffering of war, reminding citizens of the blood, guts and gore of such pointless fighting.

The effect was rather spoilt when its roar sounded like a trumpeting elephant.

"Hmph," said Meta Knight, trying to sound completely unimpressed and not all concerned that the witch was now walking over to him. He also tried to dismiss from his mind the sight of Bayonetta's clothes stripping themselves away to nearly nothing as she summoned the beast through her Wicked Weaves. "You should see Giga Bowser and Beast Ganon. You do realise that your little pet cannot even kill in this world, correct?"

"Indeed, though it wouldn't kill except on my command anyway. At least, if the naughty Infernals behave themselves this time round. Oh, that business was simply _dreadful._ You don't want me to punish your kin again do you, my dear?" she said, addressing Gomorrah. "We mustn't break our contract, must we?"

"You mean you can't guarantee whether it will just break free and destroy everything in its path?" Meta Knight demanded. His cape unfurled into their wing form ready for battle; bat-like, purple wings that people on other worlds would consider a suitable form for demons. This did not escape Bayonetta.

"You have a little demon in yourself don't you?" she teased him. "Let it out, masked one. I do believe we could have a lot of fun together." She slowly ran a hand down the edge of Meta Knight's wings all the way to their tips. Meta Knight shuddered. His wings twitched despite his efforts for self-control and his eyes glowed quite brightly.

Kirby didn't know what was going on with his mentor exactly but there was a monster here to be defeated. He wasted no time sucking up one of the light bulbs hanging overhead so he could become Spark Kirby. He charged up his form, ready to shock the monster and leapt out of reach when it launched forwards attempting to bite him.

"Hmm, I'm sure I could learn something from this," Bayonetta murmured. "But I shall leave that for later. I look forward to battling you, Kirby." She snapped her fingers and the demon disappeared before Kirby could land his blow.

Oh, so he wasn't going to fight after all. Never mind. Then he noticed the nearly-forgotten lollipop jar. He shed his Spark ability and made his way to the jar.

"I don't think so, little one."

Bayonetta would have activated Witch Time to simply speed over to the lollipop jar but that was only possible when she was being attacked or was in any other sort of danger. She instead pulled out one of her Love Is Blue guns and fired a warning shot before Kirby.

Kirby was not amused by this. He wasn't going to allow such things to happen to him. Meta Knight's eyes widened as he realised what he was going to do. He dodged to the side as Kirby went Hypernova, inhaling violently, and swallowed Bayonetta whole before she realised what was going on, into that black hole dimension of a belly of his. He blinked. He wasn't entirely sure if Bayonetta had simply let that happen or not.

"Kirby," the older warrior reproached as Kirby picked up the lollipop jar triumphantly. He hadn't even bothered to copy her ability, his only interest being in the sweets right now. "We've been through this before. We only swallow our opponents on the battlefield in an honourable match, not in the Smash Mansion. On the field, they are rivals, in the Mansion, they are friends and comrades. Spit her out."

"Meta like her."

"What? The witch? Well, she is rather, ngh, I mean…" Meta Knight stopped himself as he realised he was becoming flustered and he had an image to uphold for goodness sake. "She will just be another inhabitant of the Smash Mansion whom I must defeat if I wish to retain my top position as a Smasher. Speaking of which, I must arrange your training sessions with you; I do not want you neglecting your art. What is it now, Kirby?" he sighed as the pink puffball suddenly began hiccupping.

The young Star Warrior repeatedly hiccupped and felt a burning pain in his stomach. A few seconds later, he coughed up Bayonetta onto the carpet and continued to hack and splutter feeling very sick.

"What did you do in there?" Meta Knight questioned the witch.

"Mmm… what an unusual place," she murmured. "It was like another universe entirely. I'm quite sure I travelled to the bowels of Inferno and saw souls being tortured to within the very edge of their existence; all very strange creatures crying out loud in agony, stripped to the bone. And there were endless exploding stars and comets of such intense heat they almost fried me alive. It was… bloody _amazing_ ," she sighed. "Almost… divine. Suck me up again."

Kirby yelped and ran away at this point from this disturbing witch. She wasn't supposed to say things like that! His stomach was not like that! He didn't stop running until he reached the safety of the kitchens and gorged himself on cake and got yelled at by the staff.

"You truly saw that?" Meta Knight said.

"Well, I saw the stars at least. They were quite beautiful. You two are quite the something aren't you?" Bayonetta smirked. She picked up the lollipop jar that Kirby had left behind. "I shall look forward to battling you too. Two new friends and one of them is an adult. How fun." She stroked Meta Knight's wings again and watched his eyes change colour in surprise and wings twitch even more madly this time. "Why don't we go back to my room and discuss matters further? I want to find out what's behind that mask of yours."

"You will have to do some serious persuasion for me to agree to that, Bayonetta," Meta Knight murmured as they left the TV Room, not quite sure why he was letting himself be led at this point.

"Oh, I'm very good at persuading," she promised. "We'll even share lollipops shall we? You can have mine and I'll have yours." She unwrapped one and began to lick it with evident enjoyment. "Want one now or later?"

"I've… I've taken vows!" Meta Knight blurted out. "Not against lollipops, I mean," he amended. "Just… ladies' chambers."

"Vows are made to be broken, Meta Knight. And I hear you've kept yours for a terribly long time."

And so later that night, lollipops were shared. And Meta Knight was very content indeed.


End file.
